This year, no one pranked me on April 1st.  Maybe everyone already knew that I have been fooled enough times, so they didn’t want to bother me. Or maybe they were too busy to remember. Either way, it doesn’t matter. This blog isn’t about April Fool’s.

Today, a girl talked to me. She was hesitant – struggling to put into words what was hurting her the most.

She kept saying, “My pain is not equal to yours, but in some way, it still hurts me.” She hesitated again and again, taking small steps forward and then pulling back. Maybe it was the fear of being judged.

I didn’t push her. I just waited, letting the silence be a safe space where she could breathe. I was simply there, embracing her struggle – sarcastically speaking, practicing the art of patience.

After a few minutes, maybe she felt a comfort zone settling between us. She finally opened up, sharing everything – what had hurt her in the past, how it shaped her choices, and why she planned her future the way she did.

I didn’t have answers.
I didn’t have solutions.
I didn’t even have words to console her.

All I had was patience to listen and a little empathy to understand.

She kept apologizing, saying, “Don’t mind me. I know you are going through something much bigger than this. I shouldn’t even be talking about my small problems in front of you.”

Then she asked, “How do you act so normal? I know, we all know, that deep down you’re not okay. But how can you pretend like you are?”

At that moment, I just lost myself in thought.

What makes her think that my pain is bigger than hers?

I mean, technically, I could look up which is the worst pain in the world on the internet, but does that even matter? Until and unless I personally feel it, how can I relate to it? So logically, the pain I have experienced is the most hurtful – at least to me. And the same applies to her, or to anyone else.

But why don’t people understand this simple thing?
Why do they keep comparing pain, as if one’s suffering is more valid than another’s?
Why does no one truly empathize?

Honestly, even I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t want others to feel sympathy for me. Or maybe – fake it till you make it – isn’t such a bad idea after all.

But I told her just one thing:

“Hey, calm down. Don’t compare your pain with someone else’s. Pain is personal.”

Pain is not a competition. It’s not something you measure on a scale and compare with others.

A few months ago, when I tried to open up to someone older than me, they dismissed me, saying, “Oh, this is nothing! If you hear about our struggles, you’ll realize what real pain is. You have more to see in life.”

But that’s not how it works. Just because I have endured pain, I can’t generalize it. I can’t ignore or undervalue someone else’s suffering.

At some point, I found myself Googling the question: Why does pain hurt?

This is what Google told me:

Pain hurts because it’s a crucial survival mechanism, alerting the body to potential or actual damage, prompting protective responses and encouraging healing.

“Pain is a biopsychosocial experience. Factors in the body (biological), mind (psychological), and a person’s experiences with others along with the conditions in their environment (social) all contribute to a person’s experience of pain.”

Reading that, I realized – pain is not just a wound on your skin or a heartbreak in your chest. It’s a complex thing, shaped by our past, our surroundings, and even our biology.

Maybe that’s why we can’t measure it.

Maybe that’s why we shouldn’t compare it.

So, if you’re hurting, let yourself feel. If someone else is hurting, let them speak. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is just be there – to listen, to understand, and to remind each other that pain,

no matter how big or small, is always valid.