Back in school, there was always this one mandatory question in our English exam: Write a letter to your best friend or Describe your best friend or Write a note to your friend.

If this question wasn’t there, I probably would’ve never wondered, Why don’t I have a best friend?

But since it was there, I always ended up writing the name of the person sitting next to me. Sounds funny, right? Ha-ha-ha!

I used to watch others confidently writing names, filling pages, pouring out emotions about their so-called ‘best friends.’ I had no idea how they figured it out. One day, a friend casually asked, Why don’t you have a best friend?

I was paused and said, Because I don’t know how to choose the best among all. They all just friends—nothing more, nothing less.

Detachment had always been my thing, even as a kid. I was stubbornly self-sufficient, never letting anyone truly step into my life.

Oh, wait—I almost forgot! Like an arranged marriage partner, I had an arranged best friend since I was three.

We grew up together, studied together, and were practically glued to each other—for the sake of our parents. But there was no deep emotional bond. I was detached, and she was dominant. It was an on-and-off friendship. Whenever we had conflicts, our moms would step in as judges, making us shake hands and apologize like it was a court settlement.

I tried to hold on to it, even how bad it hurts. She was possessive, that is another reason for me not find a bestie but i never declared her as my bestie either! When I was 13, we had a huge conflict, and for the first time, I told my mom, I can’t do this anymore. She understood, and that was our first real break.

After that, we both went on our separate ways, building our own circles. I had few friends outside her circle, but she stuck to mutuals. It’s kinda her circle inside my circle situation. Later, we reunited, but it was never the same. Then, when I was 19, a misunderstanding with one of our mutuals led to me being completely shut out from that circle. My own circle became so small.

That’s when I lost hope in friendships. I isolated myself. i heard someone said           “life may suddenly sounds messy, all you need is a break to reflect”
yes that was kind of a break! i felt..

Two people stayed beside me all the time when everyone else left—without questions, without conditions.

Pappu walked into my life when I was 11. Darling joined when I was 17.

Pappu dislikes seeing me cry. Darling likes making me laugh. while one is wiping my tears other one is add smile to the face So, together, they shaped me into this ‘happy’ persona. And just like that, the #HappyPappuDarling trio was born.

We’re like a triangle—our interests never align, but somehow, it works. Maybe that’s what you call magic.

But life happens.

Now, we’re separated by distance—Happy in Jaffna, Pappu in Colombo, and Darling in Belarus. Before Darling left, we made a deal on have video call once a month. Sounds simple, right?
but adultry is not like as we imagined!

Different cities, different time zones, different routines—our Venn diagram’s center was in crisis.

Acadamic-work-life balance got us placed in a forever triangle yet the love remains a centroid. Technology keeps us connected, but nothing can replace the chaos and warmth of being together.

Oh, and about my childhood arranged bestie? We weren’t a match, so we divorced. fun fact our moms also divorced😂 Just kidding! She found two besties of her own for her own! I’m genuinely happy for her.

maybe i figured out that:

A best friend isn’t someone who holds onto you. They’re someone who never lets you feel like you need to be held—because they’re always there.

And if I ever get that English exam again? I’d confidently write their name!