That day, Jaffna was facing a petrol crisis – the “so-called petrol crisis.”
I had to log in to work at 9:30 a.m., but I was late.
The day began with a heavy feeling. I was sad about being dependent on my siblings and dad for transport. I had zero money that day, so taking PickMe or even a bus wasn’t an option. And considering the petrol situation, I didn’t want to ask anyone for a lift either.

After I reached the office, I committed myself to completing my pending tasks. Later, my CEO gave me petty cash for lunch. That same day, I had to attend a one-on-one finance session at an organization in Jaffna as part of my incubation programme. I was excited.

So I did.

Time moved quickly. At 1:00 p.m., I started planning coz i had to be there by 2:30 p.m. The lunch money would be enough for a bus ride to and from the session. If my CEO had been in town, she might have picked me up and dropped me off, but she was out of the district for a meeting.
While thinking about what time I should leave to catch the bus, I accidentally noticed a superbicycle parked outside the office. It belonged to my colleague.
It was a tall, powerful-looking gear bicycle which is  the kind usually associated with men. I had never been allowed to ride it. But for a long time, I had secretly wanted to try, even though I was afraid. In the past, I had a health condition that made me overthink physical activities because I wasn’t always fit for long rides. I was scared on what if I felt fatigue halfway through?

But I had no money for transport.
So courage was sitting quietly in that corner, waiting for me to pick it up.

So I Did It.

I asked my colleague if I could borrow the bicycle for two hours. He said yes.

I started 30 minutes earlier than necessary. First challenge: I didn’t know how to properly lock and unlock it. Second challenge: the seat was higher than what I was comfortable with. But somehow, I managed every small barrier, got onto the seat, and started pedaling.

At first, I was cautious. But slowly, I began managing well. A quiet confidence powered me, it was a confidence of independence. In the middle of traffic, horns, and chaos, I pedaled slowly and steadily.

It felt good.
As planned, I reached the venue in 23 minutes  – 7 minutes earlier than the session. A small win.
The session went well. I learned, I connected, I met more women, had meaningful conversations, and networked. Another win.

The session ended at 4:45 p.m. I had promised to return the bicycle by 5:00. I called my colleague and updated him. Again, I set myself a 20-minute target and started riding back.
This time, I felt even happier. It had been a long time since I enjoyed a ride like that. I reached the office in 19 minutes.
It’s Another win.

After so long, I relived that school-phase version of me – the girl who set tiny micro-goals and celebrated small victories. And here was another important realization: I didn’t get tired like before.
And yes, I did it without failing.
That means I can continue to do it.
I don’t have to depend on anyone for transport anymore. I can manage. I broke my own fear.
From tomorrow onwards, I decided to rebuild my relationship with my ladybird bicycle.
That superbicycle may represent masculine energy and spirit, maybe that’s what uplifted me that day. So now, let’s experiment with my own ladybird bicycle, “Remo,” and test the feminine energy.
Haha.
Because sometimes, courage isn’t loud.
It’s just choosing to pedal anyway.