I have seen many feminists remain single – not always because they want to, but because life has forced them to choose peace over partnership.

From what I have observed, their stories often fall into two opposite extremes. Some women have supportive partners, and when we ask them about their journey, they say, “My husband gave me the freedom and support to become who I am today.”

Then there are women with completely different stories. They say, “Men are the reason I became this strong. I was controlled, disrespected, hurt, and pushed beyond my limits. I tolerated everything until I reached my breaking point. Then I broke the boundary, walked away, and rebuilt myself. That pain made me strong.”

But beneath both stories, I notice one common truth: most women simply want to be loved. Yet many women are forced to become strong before they ever get the chance to feel safely loved.

People often say women heal faster than men because women can share their sorrow. We can cry, talk to our friends, and express what we feel instead of carrying everything silently. But that does not mean heartbreak affects us any less. It can leave an impact physically, emotionally, and mentally. Sometimes the person leaves, but the fear, distrust, and walls remain.

Women are forced to become the opposite of innocent. We are expected to be bold, careful, alert, and constantly aware of how the world sees us. A woman has to protect not only herself, but also her image, because society is often waiting for the smallest opportunity to question her choices, damage her reputation, or blame her for what happened to her.

Two years ago, I went through heartbreak. Everyone around me kept saying, “You have to be strong. Everything happened to make you stronger.”

But I never asked to become stronger through pain. All I wanted was to be loved.

Then they told me, “Learn to love yourself.” I understand the importance of self-love. I know I should not depend on another person to complete me. But does loving myself mean I should stop wanting someone else to love me? Don’t I also deserve to experience a love that is mutual, safe, and sincere?

Recently, one of my friends from Australia, who is a solo traveller, told me not to get into a serious relationship. She said that once we commit to someone, we start thinking about them in everything. We become emotionally dependent, we have to consider their opinions, spend time with them, and carry the added weight of another person’s feelings and expectations.

She told me I could date for fun, but not settle into commitment yet, because I still have so much to explore.
Maybe she is right.

If I learn to enjoy my own company, I can become stronger. I can travel, explore, experience new things, and build a life that belongs completely to me. I will not have to explain every decision or consider another person’s opinion before choosing what I want.

A relationship does require time. It does mean considering someone else. It does add another person’s needs, emotions, and opinions to the life I am already trying to manage.

But even after understanding all of that, I still want someone.
I want one last person in this world who prioritises me. Someone who chooses me, not only when it is easy, but even when life becomes complicated. Someone who can call me theirs without treating me like property. Someone who makes me feel deeply wanted without trying to control me.

I want one last person in this world who prioritises me. Someone who chooses me, not only when it is easy, but even when life becomes complicated. Someone who can call me theirs without treating me like property. Someone who makes me feel deeply wanted without trying to control me.

Maybe I want someone like the male leads from Summer Strike and When Life Gives You Tangerines. Maybe I am too delulu and too influenced by fictional men, but I still want someone like that – gentle, patient, quietly supportive, and safe enough to feel like home.

I hope the right person exists – someone who will not use love to limit my freedom. Someone who will not ask me to become smaller so they can feel bigger. Someone who can love my independence instead of feeling threatened by it.

Maybe that kind of love is too idealistic. Maybe I am asking for too much. But I still believe I can end up with someone like that.

When people ask me about my biggest dream, I imagine a home of my own. I imagine myself sitting peacefully on the balcony with the family I created for myself. It may not sound extremely ambitious, but it is what I have always wanted a life that feels like home, not just a house that belongs to me.

I want someone to come home to after work, someone with whom I can share every little thing that happened during the day. I want someone with whom I can try random cooking experiments on Sundays, even when neither of us knows whether the final result will be edible.

I want someone I can travel with, sit beside in different places, and talk to for hours. Someone with whom I can share my morning tea and spill the tea too. Someone with whom I can watch a movie and later discuss every scene, every character, and every unnecessary plot twist.

I want someone I can torture with my very exclusive personal music concerts. Someone who gives me forehead kisses as rewards. Someone I can photograph and then comment under their social-media posts asking for photographer credits.

I want someone with whom I can share my doughnut and waffle – which is already a serious form of commitment.

I want someone I can walk beside in the early morning and late at night, along ordinary roads that somehow feel special because we are walking together. Someonw with whom i can count stars. Someone with whom I can discuss politics, daily news, dreams, fears, and every random thought that enters my mind.

I want someone in front of whom I can act completely dumb without being judged. Someone with whom I can plan the family budget at the end of every month, argue over unnecessary expenses, and still end the conversation by planning what dessert to buy.

I want someone who gives me piggyback rides. Someone with whom I can play Ludo and obviously win. Someone with whom I can create a family frame containing me, him, and our cat.
I want someone with whom I can laugh out loud without worrying about how I look. Someone whose lap feels safe. Someone whose eyes I can admire, even after seeing them every day.

I want someone with whom I can sit near the beach in complete silence and still feel understood. Someone with whom I can go on bike rides, attempt workouts, bake red velvet cake, act childish, be funny, and share everything I read.
I want to love someone madly and receive that same love in return.

I want to be ambitious, independent, opinionated, soft, emotional, silly, intelligent, confused, and deeply loved – all at the same time. I do not want a love that asks me to become smaller. I want a love that gives me enough safety to remain completely myself.

Right now, I am still a single woman carrying a lot of trust issues. I want love, yet I am afraid of choosing the wrong person. I want to open my heart, yet part of me is still standing at the door, checking whether it is safe.

Still, the dream remains.
Me, him, our cat, and our own home – Maitri.
It is still my biggest wish.
And I am still manifesting it.

Because I can be a feminist and still be a woman in love.